What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 07:07
Why did i forgive my father ?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What is world history that not many people know about?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We were not on the streets..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do you share your food easily? With whom, and why?
I said to her
He resisted the act ,that day.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Missouri governor signs Chiefs, Royals stadium bill - NBC Sports
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Astronomers Astonished by Largest Explosion Since the Big Bang - futurism.com
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
All the time i was locked up.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
When she asked me how she looked .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
watchOS 26 adds new wrist flick gesture for these Apple Watch models - 9to5Mac
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Is anyone else losing complete respect for the US at this point?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My life is so biszare .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The #1 Protein for Insulin Resistance, According to Health Experts - EatingWell
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Knicks-Pacers: 5 takeaways as Indiana eliminates New York, advances to 2025 Finals - NBA
As i do to all so called friends.?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Did you swallow cum the first time you sucked a penis?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Smoking Rates by Country and Gender in 2025 - Visual Capitalist
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I couldn’t, believe it.
UFC 316 results: Kayla Harrison finishes Julianna Peña, squares off with Amanda Nunes - MMA Junkie
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot live in the past .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She married twice! .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was scared of men, in general
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was in good health!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Put me off passion for life!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But ive been too sick for many years..
But it wasn’t much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I waited trembling.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She wouldn,t have been !
He knew the spot.
Who then, do I blame.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I will be 64.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So whats the point in blame.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What did i know ?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I write beautiful poetry .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was 9 years of age.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She found it foreign!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But, we were locked up after school.
This is soul school!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
And i lived it daily.
Would this be the day?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I have no regrets .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She loved him until the end.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!